With a blaring vacancy in tech’s C-suite neighborhood, the industry is buzzing with guesses as to who will fill the CEO seat at Uber. Luckily for them, we went through the trouble of coming up with a list of eligible candidates so they don’t have to. The following folks either have recently become employable, have a public history with cars, or a seriously enviable garage — all qualities that obviously make them an excellent fit for the position:
Bill O-Reilly — Needs a job, may be easiest fit with company culture.
Jay Leno — West coast car buff, can provide his own fleet.
David Hasselhoff — Very familiar with self driving cars.
Owen Wilson — Will make any company more cute.
Elon Musk — Time to take Uber underground.
Hillary Clinton — For her known expertise with internet and email security.
Kathy Griffin — She won’t lose her head (or anyone else’s) in this role.
TJ Miller — Making sure all Uber drivers toe the line.
Tiger Woods — has become a huge fan of Uber recently.
Xzibit — Time to set new standards for Uber car owners.
Jokes aside, we wish Uber well in the search! Then again, maybe the ex-host of a program called “Pimp My Ride” isn’t the best idea.